Here’s your last-minute guide to holiday social media etiquette

There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying “k” to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?

Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Company’s new advice column, Posting Playbook.

There is no clearer demonstration of the online world’s collision with the corporeal one than the months of November and December. As we bundle up and prepare for the slew of holidays that lie ahead, many of us will be confronted with the awkward tensions of family and social media, whether internally or interpersonally. So, to keep you warm through these cold days, here are some of Posting Playbook’s recommendations on how to navigate holiday social media etiquette.

Help! My mom keeps asking me to accept her Instagram follow request and I don’t know what to do!

Do not give in! I don’t care what lies you have to tell—that you already did, that it’s just a work account, that there must have been some kind of software glitch, that you don’t really check social media anymore. It may feel harsh in the moment, but I guarantee it’s for the greater good. In the olden days, parents would only hear about the hedonistic things you were up to in your own life; now, they can get the entire picture. Even if there’s nothing wild on your social media, if it would make you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable to know your mother was watching your Instagram Stories, it’s important to hold that boundary steady. An Instagram follow does not equal love! You can love your mother and tell her that racoon bandits hacked your Instagram account, too.

My uncle keeps sharing social media conspiracy theories during Thanksgiving dinner. What do I do?

As misinformation continues to tear through social media, spreading false truths about everything from so-called magical health cures to violent political views, we are all susceptible to the inevitable threat of the social media conspiracy theory. This isn’t limited to aging Boomers, either—it’s important that we are all aware of how to remain active and critical consumers of media. However, it’s heartbreaking and frustrating and annoying to hear your family espouse dangerously false information while you’re just trying to eat some mashed potatoes.

I have found the best way to deal with this situation is simply to ask questions instead of making statements. The structure of most conspiracy theories prey on some kind of ethos-based argument, eschewing logic in favor of confirmation bias, proportionality bias and attribution bias. Your uncle is probably just parroting what has been told to him on his feeds. So, if you ask enough questions, the logic begins to collapse on itself. In my experience, the rambling tends to stop after they momentarily realize how ridiculous they sound in front of everyone.

This unfortunately does require some level of desire to engage, so if you’re looking to just survive without getting into any kind of argument, I recommend preparing enough excuses throughout your stay to give yourself enough breaks in between. You can fake illness, of course, or arrange plans outside the house for a set escape, but you can also offer to wash dishes, forget a glass of water somewhere, check in on the game. Whatever works for you.

My teenage son told me to stop tagging him on Instagram. How should I respond?

Listen to your son? I really don’t think this is one of those “teaching moments” about self-image and confidence. Teenagers are horrifically mean to each other online. They unwittingly throw classmates into Instagram DM group chats just to dogpile on them. I think it’s fair to open a conversation about why he feels that way, and you can teach him about finding his own value outside of peer pressure and the internet, but I think it’s most important to respect his boundaries first and foremost. The healthiest thing we can do is teach the kids about upholding respect for each other on the internet.

I’m spending the holiday alone and feel dramatic for feeling weird about seeing fun “be with your family” content on my feeds. Any tips?

If you recently lost loved ones, can’t afford to go home, aren’t on good terms with your genetic family, or are otherwise on your own for the holidays, it can be a difficult time to navigate such all-consuming messaging about being with people, especially when it’s splashed constantly acoss social media. It can be a difficult feeling to escape and hard to process. You’re not dramatic at all—the tension comes from a very real place!

The first thing I recommend is deleting the apps, or temporarily deactivating your personal account. It’s just easier to take that mental strain out of the equation. If you still want to consume news or vlogs, I recommend just having some kind of burner account that only follows the content you wanted to catch up on. There is still a lot of way to experience love without it being the idealized, Rockwellian version shared constantly on our screens. Whether it’s spending time with your chosen family or doing an activity on your own that you cherish, or spending time to figure out what either of those former two things look like to you, those are equally valid forms of love that are important to practice. A happy holiday doesn’t mean being with your family. It just means finding some way to express joy.

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